Monday, November 17

To Sink or To Swim //

My whole life, creativity has been on the sidelines. 
Not even the sidelines, the water boy.

It was always a small part of my team, but I never had the confidence to make it a major player. 

I remember facing my college years, and wondering where to go.

On one side of me, I had a love for the earth, for nature, for biology. 
I always have and I always will.

On the other side of me, I had this urge to create. To make things and be artistic. 

I stood at the top of the stairwell, on the Northern Arizona campus, and looked down on the art department. I shook as I slowly walked down the stairs. 

I wondered if I was good enough. Because art was always on the sidelines, I never made the effort to develop my skills or abilities. I couldn't draw. I could barely take a picture. 

What the heck was I doing there? 
Could I hack it? 

After my 30 minute tour I felt alive. I wanted nothing more than to be a part of that. Whatever magic was happening there. Where students were making, and building, and bringing to life wonderful things. 

But instead I ran.

The story goes that I let the self doubt take over. 
I choose a biology degree over art thinking I would go into medicine or some other well known career. 

I loved bio. I loved studying it and learning. I still do. 

But it wasn't enough. It will never be enough. 

I was looking for more.
A part of me wasn't fulfilled. 
I wasn't happy. 

After a few failed attempts in the biology field. I realized art and making was missing.

I had to let my creativity be a major player.
It demanded it. 

And so I changed life paths. I dropped the biology craze and I started the jewelry business. 
I was happy.

Just a few weeks ago, I sat down with a friend. And I told her, I know what I'm supposed to be when I grow up. 

I'm a maker.

Plain and simple. A short, but powerful word. I am supposed to bring beauty in this world. In whatever form it may bring at the time. 

I need to work with my hands.
With my heart.
With my soul.

To produce... 
anything and everything.

But this career path isn't for everyone. In many ways, the stable life of a surgeon would have been much simpler.


There are days when I feel as though I'm back looking at colleges and wondering if I can make it in this artistic world.

There are days where I'll put my everything into a piece and it still not be good enough.

So here I stand, on the verge of letting the doubt take over once again.
Looking for an easy way out.

And I ask myself,
"Will I sink? or will I swim?"


Every time. 

I will not give up.
I will push harder.
I will dig deeper.

I will do whatever it takes.
This is me.
I am a maker.

May you too, choose to swim when an unfriendly current comes your way. 
Be true to yourself. 
Stand your ground.

And swim.

Items available here. 


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