A year ago, I sat knees tucked tightly underneath me, forehead to the floor, balled up tight and rocking ever so softly back and forth.
The news that he was gone sliced through me like a razor sharp knife.
As we laid him to rest, I remember just hoping time would somehow move faster. Wishing I could put some distance between the loss and find time for my wound to heal.
I really thought that the next year would bring answers.
Answers to so many questions swirling in my head.
At the time, I remember asking myself the how's and the why's of it all.
How it happened.
What his day was like.
Maybe I felt like if I could paint a clear picture I would somehow come to understand it all.
But in these 365 days I haven't answered any of these questions.
Sure I know a little more, but ultimately I stopped trying to find the answers. I think the questions somehow grew to seem superficial to me.
Maybe I realized even those answers weren't enough.
In their place, much bigger questions took root.
Things like, why does sadness even exist?
Why are we capable of feeling it?
Why does sadness matter?
I really believe everything has a purpose.
Nothing in this world is a waste. Every moment has meaning, at least if we let it.
So what is the purpose of sadness and grief?
What is the purpose of feeling so bad?
As we approached the anniversary, this has really been weighing heavy on my mind.
And I keep pondering this....
WOULD A PEACH TASTE AS SWEET WITHOUT THE EXISTENCE OF THE BITTER LEMON?
If we had never experienced that sharp piercing bite and had nothing to compare it to, would a juicy ripe peach seem dull and bland?
I'm not here to down play the sadness.
There are days when my body, my mind, and my heart need it.
Sadness is a part of life, but if in some way we can recognize something positive or even create something positive from something so tragic, does it give the lemon more meaning?
Does it now have purpose?
Without sadness in our lives, it's easy to perceive the daily goodness as dull and boring. It's easy to only see the negatives in our life and drowned out the positives.
Loss and sadness can add perspective.
Allow us to see how wonderful we really have it.
How grateful we should be for every day life, and how we shouldn't take it for granted.
The doldrums of daily life tastes as sweet as a fresh, ripe, fragrant peach on a hot summer's day, after you've had a bit of life's bitter lemons.
So go on friends, look up from your sadness, and see what life has to offer.
Carefully textured hand sawed sterling bi-layered peach.
Etched sexy cursive lettering.
Wire wrapped lemony yellow quartz.
Lovely bar chain.