You Are Not Your Mistakes // A Home Decor Series

Sometimes I can't stop thinking, thinking about all the mistakes I've made.

The things I've done or said that I shouldn't have.

The times I should have spoken up.

The times I should have taken the higher road or made a different decision.

Sometimes I feel like my mistakes have driven my life.

That they have defined who I am today and had the power to direct me.

This series is all about healing.

About letting go of mistakes and chalking them up to lessons.

About realizing I, you, we are human.

About reminding myself that those lessons I have learned are what propelled me forward and allowed me to make some incredibly wonderful and incredibly right decisions.

Each of these babies start from silver from previous mistakes.

Pieces that didn't work.

Solder and ideas that didn't flow.

Melted bezels and broken saw blades.

I've melted them all down to their elements.

Turned them into lessons, and used them to grow something new and beautiful.

I can't tell you how healing it is.

To be able to turn that torch up to screaming high and just let the heat burn away your mistakes.

Let it melt it down until it's no longer recognizable.

Until you've forgotten how painful it was when it happened.

---

Cast succulents.

Shed antlers.

Weathered cow vertebrae.

To adorn your home.

To remind you.

\

Carin

Confessional - A Part of The Journey

I could start by telling you a slew of excuses. 

I could tell stories about me as a child. I could tell you I've always struggled fitting in. 

I could blame it on my situation.

I could tell you how I've never really felt like I was an artist.

I could tell you that for most of my life I equated success with money.

I could chalk it up to me being self taught.

I could bring up a million more things that played into the beginning years of my work.

But I won't. 

I need to own this.

Because it's my fault.

It's was my responsibility.

It was my decisions and ultimately my actions.

My misstep, correction missteps, are many.

Small choices that seemed insignificant at the time, but grew into something unmanageable.

It started years ago, when I first ever desired to be a maker.

To be a maker full time.

To live and breath this work. 

I wanted so bad to be "successful."

I looked up to so many amazingly talented artists and wondered how in the world I would ever get there. 

Or if I was even capable of getting there. 

I read everything there was to read on how to make a shop successful. 

I thought I was doing all the right things.

I saw the formula so many Etsy sellers followed, and I tried to follow it.

Good pictures.

Accurate listing descriptions.

Strict policies.

Business licenses.

Insurance.

Calculating profit margins.

Marketing strategies.

But even more than that.

I worked hard on developing a brand that was popular.

And that would sell.

Because ultimately that's where my heart was.

To be "successful."

Somewhere along the way that person that desired to be a maker, to be an artist got lost.

The business side of things took over. 

And the money, the "success" became so much more important.

I was so tangled up in a web that I couldn't see out. 

I celebrated the number of sales.

Carefully tracked every follower.

Tried to figure out how and why people viewed or purchased my pieces.

I made unforgivable and disrespectful choices.

Disrespectful to the art, the artists, and to you.

I found myself sitting at my bench not asking myself what I wanted to make or what the material called me to make, but instead what would sell. 

At first I was proud of the work. I felt instant gratification and it fed the greed monster inside me.

I wanted to sell more, be more well known, and I wanted more than anything for my work to be desired.

Overtime I felt my creative spirit shrivel. I felt stuck and stifled.

I knew something had to change, but I was so scared.

So scared I wasn't capable of being that good.

I wanted my art to be loved, but it was at the cost of making stuff that wasn't authentic.

And it was wrong.

I woke up one day, and took a long look in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. 

I was ashamed.

I don't want to ever see that person again.

I'm fighting back.

I've seen my mistakes.

I'm owning them.

And I'm moving past it. 

I'm putting the art first no matter the cost.

This beginning, it was rocky, but it's just part of my story.

I believe my ending is true and pure. 

At the end of  my career I want to be able to look back on my work and be proud.

I want to be a leader and not a follower.

I want to be respectful and respected.

I want to give to this community not take from it.

I realize to do all those things take brave choices.

Takes courage and vulnerability.

So I'm here, completely open, exposed and vulnerable.

I'm asking for your forgiveness.

and maybe one day, I'll be an artist.

♥ Carin

AVAILABLE UNTIL SOLD HERE.

Because of Lemons

A year ago, I sat knees tucked tightly underneath me, forehead to the floor, balled up tight and rocking ever so softly back and forth.

The news that he was gone sliced through me like a razor sharp knife. 

The fresh wound bleeding a river of tears.

As we laid him to rest, I remember just hoping time would somehow move faster. Wishing I could put some distance between the loss and find time for my wound to heal. 

I really thought that the next year would bring answers. 

Answers to so many questions swirling in my head. 

At the time, I remember asking myself the how's and the why's of it all.

How it happened.

What his day was like.

Maybe I felt like if I could paint a clear picture I would somehow come to understand it all. 

But in these 365 days I haven't answered any of these questions. 

Sure I know a little more, but ultimately I stopped trying to find the answers. I think the questions somehow grew to seem superficial to me.

Maybe I realized even those answers weren't enough.

In their place, much bigger questions took root.

Things like, why does sadness even exist?

Why are we capable of feeling it? 

Why does sadness matter?

I really believe everything has a purpose. 

Nothing in this world is a waste. Every moment has meaning, at least if we let it.

So what is the purpose of sadness and grief? 

What is the purpose of feeling so bad?

As we approached the anniversary, this has really been weighing heavy on my mind.

And I keep pondering this....

WOULD A PEACH TASTE AS SWEET WITHOUT THE EXISTENCE OF THE BITTER LEMON?

If we had never experienced that sharp piercing bite and had nothing to compare it to, would a juicy ripe peach seem dull and bland? 

I'm not here to down play the sadness. 

There are days when my body, my mind, and my heart need it.

Sadness is a part of life, but if in some way we can recognize something positive or even create something positive from something so tragic, does it give the lemon more meaning?

Does it now have purpose?

Without sadness in our lives, it's easy to perceive the daily goodness as dull and boring. It's easy to only see the negatives in our life and drowned out the positives.

Loss and sadness can add perspective.

Allow us to see how wonderful we really have it.

How grateful we should be for every day life, and how we shouldn't take it for granted.

The doldrums of daily life tastes as sweet as a fresh, ripe, fragrant peach on a hot summer's day, after you've had a bit of life's bitter lemons. 

So go on friends, look up from your sadness, and see what life has to offer.

____

Carefully textured hand sawed sterling bi-layered peach.

Etched sexy cursive lettering.

Wire wrapped lemony yellow quartz.

Lovely bar chain.

♥ Carin

On Trusted Wings... a Second Season

A few months ago I finished my first On Trusted Wings piece.

It sat with me in the studio for a long while.

I didn't show her to anyone. 

I was in a magical trance. 

A harmonious dance between spirit and self.

Between art and artist. 

--

After a few days I allowed myself to wonder what other pieces this eagle shape would adorn.

What shape it would take, and what it was capable of creating. 

A few more pieces were born of it, and then it fell quite for awhile.

They stopped speaking to me as loudly or as clearly. 

Maybe I allowed life to get the best of me.

Chaos ensued, and I didn't have the real time these pieces demanded.

So I listed and sold the first batch of the On Trusted Wings series <---- read about the motivation behind the original work here. 

--

As soon as I listed them, I regretted it.

Not because I was sad to see them find homes, not that pieces themselves weren't magnificent, but I knew that I should have dug deeper.

There was more to it.

There was still a spark. They were talking, maybe in a whisper, but they had important things to say.

I felt like the series was half done.

Half visited.

Half explored.

Half assed.

--

So although a little discombobulated (as life seems to be at times).

I finished the series. 

It took a second season, but they are beautiful just the same.

♥ Carin

shop here. 

Challenge Accepted

It's my first day back in the studio after the Holiday season. 

It always feels a little off to switch gears. When I first go on break I miss the studio. Soon enough though, I'm busy decorating, baking, celebrating, and then life seems to fill in the gaps. 

It is similar when I come back to the studio. I feel out of rhythm. I have a thousand ideas, but no real priority. No task list. Just time. 

I'm still in my end of the year reflectional mind set. I think back to last year, and I frequently felt as though I was in a creative rut. 

Mini ruts. 

but ruts none the less. 

I kept finding myself saying, "If I just had this tool" or "these stones" or "if I just knew how to do this." 

OK, I love me some tools, but ultimately it's not the tools or the stones limiting me. 

It's me limiting me.

It's me not opening up to the possibilities.

Not seeing all that is there. 

So this year, I've taken on a creative challenge. Something to help lubricate my creativity. Spark my ideas, and keep everything flowing smoothly. 

The challenge is to create a single earring every day of the  year. 

Yes, one earring (not a matched pair).

365 of them, all different!

I was nervous at first. This is so out of my realm. The business side of me thinks of all that I could be accomplishing on my "to-do" list rather than playing around. 

But my heart knows I need this. 

So I've accepted the challenge!

Because of my hesitation to start, I had to play a little catch up today. 

I was amazed at how good it felt.

To not worry about how they would turn out.

If they would sell. 

How to price them.

How to market them.

All of the business bullshit just flew out the window. 

I felt free again. Free to create what I was feeling at the moment. 

My only other addition to the challenge requirements, is that I'm going to do my best to use bits and pieces laying around the studio. I have lots of 1/2 started projects or items that are leftovers from other pieces.

Since my frustration last year felt like I always needed more, this year, I'm going to attempt to find the beauty in what I have around me.

There is plenty if I just open my eyes and see it for what it is. 

This will also be a great way for me to test new ideas and find new avenues for my art. 

I'm so excited for the journey this challenge will bring in 2015. 

_____

Find the items listed in my Etsy shop here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/jonesingforjewelry?section_id=16573805&ref=shopsection_leftnav_5

Find other artist's Earring a Day Challenge work here, and a huge shout out to Victoria Takahashi for setting this all up! 

Diana Alexander 

Natalia Araya 

Erin Austin 

Kirsten Denbow  

Sophia Georgiopoulou 

Louise Hunter 

Evelyn Markasky 

Nancy Nearing 

Nikki Rees 

Debbie Ritchie  

Anna Severina Fell 

Ponsawan Silas 

Kirsten Skiles Ross 

Victoria Takahashi 

Mary Lu Wason 

Sara Westermark 

Sara Wilbanks 

♥  Carin

Life is Always Preserved //

I woke up in the middle of the night with a faint idea in my head. 

My best ideas always seem to arise when I'm sleepy. 

A blurry image of a circle of life. A basic idea introduced in elementary school, but the details of the concept are also very complex. My dreamy mind can barely wrap my head around it.

As I come into consciousness, the idea develops. A predators and prey. A wolf, the top most predator of the forest and his prey. 

As I blink my eyes open a few times, the desire to create it grows stronger and more details be come clear. 

The layout and final images appear before me. 

I know I can't ignore the pull. I must answer it's call.

My body is tired, but it surrenders to the creative spirit. 

I'm out of bed now, and find myself bundling up as I head down to the studio. Toting with me nourishment and tea. 

As I saw away I find my mind drifting back. To my childhood, to my young adulthood. 

I was always terrified of death. Something about the loss of life. The last few moments, and the finality of being. Death always tortured me. Friends, pets, wildlife that have passed flashed before my eyes. 

I feel my shoulder stoop lower. 

My posture loosen.

My head hang. 

I am consumed by the death before me. 

As I continue sawing rabbit, then hawk, then wolf, I came to an epic realization.

IN THE SANCTITY OF NATURE,

LIFE IS ALWAYS PRESERVED.

No matter the prey, the being is providing life to the next. An energy transfer if you will. The life itself cannot be taken. It cannot be created nor destroyed in this moment. 

Instead one soul feeds the next. 

No small drop, no tiny piece is forgotten. All is used in nature.

Consumed by a predator or detritivore. 

As life pours from one being to the next, no drops are lost. 

And that is beautiful. 

Wall hanging available here. 

♥ Carin